The California Partners Project is engaged in a statewide listening tour with California mothers, parents, and caregivers to understand how they are navigating the integration of technology and devices into most aspects of their children’s lives. A mother we spoke with described a disagreement with her husband about whether their son is allowed to play video games. Before the pandemic, her son was not allowed to play at all, but to cope with the limitations of the pandemic, her husband purchased some video games. She and her husband don’t agree on limits around the games. Even before the pandemic took hold in the US, two-thirds of parents say parenting is harder than it was 20 years ago. Of these, many cite technology or social media as the driving forces behind this belief (Pew Research Center). It’s no surprise that parental disagreements about technology and social media use would also arise with these new parenting dilemmas. Here are some tips if this is also a challenge in your family.

The California Partners Project is engaged in a listening tour with California caregivers to understand how parents are navigating the realities of parenting through a pandemic, and to share forward the lessons learned from a challenging year. A therapist in northern California shared that she notices in her clients who are mothers an “ongoing feeling of not being able to measure up or keep up with all the new demands.” A mom in northern California explained she feels “very overwhelmed and stressed out” by the realities of parenting during this time. Many mothers shared with us their feelings of guilt over the past year as they struggled to support their children during the disruptive, exhausting conditions of the pandemic. Guilt can motivate us to work toward change, but shame can get us stuck comparing ourselves to others. According to psychologist Lindsay Malloy, co-founder of Pandemic Parenting, some guilt can help us reflect on our previous actions to make future positive change. However, shame can get in the way of our ability to adapt and improve. During a time of relentless parenting, it is important to stay focused on what you can improve, and what was and is necessary to get through difficult situations. Parents, especially mothers, experienced more stress during the pandemic. A Stress in America survey by the American Psychological Association, showed that nearly half of mothers (47%) with children doing remote learning at home reported their mental health worsened. Family life changed in unimaginable ways.

The California Partners Project is engaged in a statewide listening tour with California mothers, parents and caregivers to understand how they are navigating the integration of technology and devices into most aspects of their children’s lives. A mom in northern California shared that gaming has created a lot of conflict between she and her teenage son. “We get in fights because it is like pulling teeth to pull him away from the TV.” Conversations about tech use fuel family conflict. Many caregivers throughout California mentioned increased family discord due to disagreements about tech use, including gaming, social media, scrolling and time spent online. Mothers shared deep concerns about the inability to monitor and understand the content their children and teens are seeing online. Whether it is violent or sexually explicit, we know that anything and everything is available online. Carefully framing conversations is critical to supporting open, honest and productive conversations with your children as they grow. Shafia Zaloom, author and health educator, recommends parents create an environment free of judgement and shame when talking about screen use. Parents can begin conversations with kids early to develop a strong foundation. (See Family Digital Wellness Guide, Digital Wellness Lab)